Barely Breathing

I couldn't think of a better song that would accommodate the topic we will speak on today. Such truth, depth and emotion!!! I have learned thoughout the years that there are certain words you never say to your man! "We Need To Talk" those four words instantly raises the defense flags of every relationship and from the male perspective....fella's, depending upon how you respond to the statement could mean the fight starts now or the fight starts later! Either way, there will be some arguing because both parties are already in defense mode. Let's talk...

He was working for Corporate America full-time and running his own business full-time, yet somehow was under the impression he could sustain a stable and happy relationship with a woman he amired dearly. We will call him "Evan" today to protect his true identity. I've known Evan for seven years and he is truly a good fella, although he needs help periodically with balancing life most of the time. Evan I'm still waiting for the cocktail you promised me three years ago. He met a wonderful woman about a year ago, she was soft-spoken, supportive of Evan's job(s), was always there when he needed or wanted her. I was really pulling for the two of them to advance their relationship, I still think they would have been a great team.

There is one thing I want you to know about me. If I know you personally and you are hurting, I hurt as well. I feel your pain, I see your tears and it cuts deep with me also. It's unfortunate that I saw the demise of Evan's relationship three months prior to it ending, but unfortunately he had not adapted to the art of balancing the important things in life. There will always be the "Honeymoon" phase in all relationships, but as time moves forward, we all understand and expect the relationship will change to some degree. Unfortunately, that can be the time when someone becomes the "Complacent Ass" and the receiving party then realizes he or she is a victim of "The Porcelain Doll Syndrome" and eventually accepts the fact that you were simply a "Filler" in the first damn place.

I pre-warned Evan that he needed to take a different approach with his relationship with Maria. He advised me that she said those four words to him (We need to talk) and his defensive response to her was "We're ok." Today he knows that's not the case. My friend couldn't understand how after almost a year of having a wonderful relationship she could leave him so easily. I had to remind him why! Now I will share them with you.

1. You were supposed to meet her at her company function and you never showed up. You became busy with your business, forgot about the event and she was left alone and unaccompanied, which left the door open for "other possibilities".

2. She says "We Need to Talk" (Ladies, let's try this verbage instead..."I have a few things I want to share with you." It's not what you say, but again, how you say it.) You told her you guys and the reltionship was ok, when actually she was reaching out to you as an attempt to save it.

3. Her Birthday approaches, you guys had plans for a romantic dinner and a movie. She ends up taking herself to dinner and crying through a movie because again, your balancing tactics were off. You were exhausted from your days events and fell asleep at 6pm and didn't awake til 2am the next morning.

4. She asked you to change the security locks on her front door, you agreed, gave her a time that you would be there.....You never showed up. She had to call another male friend at 10pm at night to change them. That door is open again Evan.

There are many more examples the both of you have shared with me, but I think the ones that I have mentioned has served its purpose. I remember happier times the two of you enjoyed and now I find myself listening to your heartache at 4am. You tell me you are no longer breathing because your reason for living has been zapped away from you. Yes it's true Maria has moved on and you're trying to figure out what happened. Relationships need nurturing otherwise, they will wither and unfortunately die. It's detrimental to make time for the things and beings that are important factors in your life! Simply put...either one day you will or one day she won't! Think about that one for a minute.

PSSST...