I Love My Wife But....

"I can tell if a woman has fucked a man, simply by the way she hugs him."

~Dallas Roman


When you decide to take the matrimonial walk, 9 times out of 10 you already know what you're getting. It could be an asshole, a family person, a whore, a hoe. Bottom line is...you already know! I was surprised and hurt at the same time when I received a phone call years ago from a very familiar telephone number. I remember the day quite well. I was shopping at Barney's of New York in search of some winter clothing. I answered my cellphone expecting to hear the familiar voice that always called me from this number, however it was not the voice I was expecting. It was her husband. My first response to this individual was "Is everything alright?" he chuckled, then paused...the chuckle and nervousness in his voice already told me what was up. He then began to tell me he was always infatuated with me and basically wanted to fuck me! I was in disbelief. I thought to myself and wondered how could a wonderful provider, family man and "friend" muster up enough courage and make a very risky call to a tell-it-all. I finally gathered my thoughts and said "listen here asshole, I won't tell your wife what you've done, just as long as this is the first and last time!" He agreed and ended the call with an apology. Less than six months later the motherfucka did it again. Unfortunately, I lost a friend over the attempted unfaithfulness of her life-long partner that "she" chose. I do recall her telling me several times that she felt he was creeping on her. Yet, she decided to stay in the relationship because all of the secure luxuries he had and I'm certain continues to provide for her and the kids.

The older I get the more prevalent it has become. Men love me, but especially the one's that are married or are in a "so called" monogamous relationship. It bother's me when I meet a man that's married and there is no sign or evidence of a wedding ring. I bet his wife is wearing hers!!!Once I find out about their marital status, they of course feel the urgency to explain themselves. Almost every conversation starts out like this "I love my wife but....she nags too much, she doesn't suck my dick right, she doesn't want sex anymore, she's always too tired, she stopped fixing herself up, she gained too much weight...the list goes on and on. You know what Mr. Incognito Married Man....Fuck You!!! Yeah I said it. What are you doing in the relationship to maintain its marital bliss? Obvious not much, since your ass is at the nightclub chasing skirts, getting telephone numbers and pretending to be single. The word "but" does not and should not be placed after the word "love" stop kidding yourself. More than likely your wife knows you're fucking around, she just hasn't said anything yet, but your ass better be careful, because we all know there is nothing worse than a woman scorned!

Alright ladies, I hear you clapping, but some of you are just as bad as the fellas. The majority of the stories I hear and have counseled on regarding your unmarital activities really fucks with my mind. How in the fuck are you going to bring the innocent kids into this. Find a mothafuckin babysitter if you decide to step out, DAMN!!!. I met a woman who was not happy in her marriage, her husband was mentally and physically abusive and she met a gentleman that made her feel appreciated and loved. She had 2 young sons at the time and was given an "allowance" of $50 a week by her husband, eventhough she worked full time (modern day pimp) We know this isn't enough for a babysitter, so guess what she did. She took her sons with her on picnics, to the park, to the movies, etc. Wherever they went, the kids went. Now if you've been around kids you know they tell everything. The husband never found out about the wife's cheating even with the kids running around the house, screaming their Mom's new friends name around the house at the top of their lungs. Why didn't he find out? They decided on a code name. His code name was Transformers. So the husband didn't give it much thought when his sons begged their Mom to take them to see "Transformers." The unsuspecting husband assumed it was the popular movie.

I've done enough dirt in my lifetime and I strongly believe in karma. I don't care for her very much...Ms. Karma is truly a bitch. However, one thing I do know, if I ever decide to walk down that wonderful aisle called matrimony....I already know what I'm getting and so did you and If you didn't know...your family and friends did!!!!

PSSST...